I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
