i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
