I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
