too bad you live with your parents still
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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