I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
