where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
