I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
