alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Found the puke drawer
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
