i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
