Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
