screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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