I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
