please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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