i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
