i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
