Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
