happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
