just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
