the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize