so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The feeling are messing with the penis
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
