worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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