Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
