I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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