it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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