It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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