I wanna bring you to show and tell
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
