At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think i got beer on your cat.
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