I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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