id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
