You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
