Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
