Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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