pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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