i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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