I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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