I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
