respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My feet surprised me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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