ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
