You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
