you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
