Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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