I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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