Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
