im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
