she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
