so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
