I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
