I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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