is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
