FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
