i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
