Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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