No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize