i just wanna soil my oats bro
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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