Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't think brook has ever known best
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
