I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
