i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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