I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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