I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
