My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
