it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
