Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
