I accidentally burped into my bong.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
