the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
