If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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