Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
