Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
this is an emotional support booty call
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
