hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
