you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
