This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
