So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
