I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
