planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
