Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
